The Legend of Hercules

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1043726/

Fantasy has been big business for filmmakers for some time. Masterpieces like Star Wars and Lord of the Rings are few and far between, producers have been reaching into the deep well of global folklore for ideas. Some work, some don’t. This one doesn't.

The Legend of Hercules continues the bizarre custom of making Greek things look Roman and vice-versa and otherwise mangling everything archaeologists know about the classical world. If you want an exotic villain, put him in an Egyptian outfit with a Sumerian sword and let him sail a Phoenician boat right up to the shore of… Athens? Sometimes this confusing mix even makes it into current events.

When 300 was released in 2006, many conservative editorial attempted to prop up the disastrous situation in Iraq by drawing parallels between the brave Spartans taking a lonely stand against a pagan horde bent on world destruction. The trouble is that history just wasn't with them. It was the Spartans themselves who failed to rally behind King Leonidas and his effort was backed up by several thousand Athenians at Thermopylae. In reality, the Spartans would have gladly risked losing their country than cooperate with the libertine Athenians. Hardly the parallel conservatives would want to admit to nowadays…

    Two men go in -- one demigod comes out in The Legend of Hercules.

And with The Legend of Hercules, bad history once again repeats itself. Don’t look for this Hercules (the Greeks called him Heracles) to battle bulls, boars and multi-headed beasts. Other than a tussle with a stuffed lion procured from FAO Schwartz, this drama is strictly a family affair as the son of Zeus battles for supremacy over his mother’s war-mongering husband. How does this would-be prince of peace accomplish this? Let’s just say Gandhi is not in his repertoire. The climactic scene takes us back to Samson and the Old Testament so you can expect some styrofoam blocks falling.

The plot sticks closely to the Ben-Hur/Gladiator mold. There’s the fall from upper-class status, the galley slave bit and the triumphant return via the arena. This well-traveled road doesn't lead to Rome, Greece or anywhere else. Mercifully the film is just a little over an hour and a half long.

I sought out the 3D exhibition for the eye candy and, plush lion aside, was impressed with all the arrows, fireballs and constant be-petalled flotsam floating around most scenes comin’ at ya. Otherwise, this is strictly entertainment for children. There is no more sex and violence than you might see in the average Victor Mature film. The most violent acts are done old-Hollywood style, off camera with a squishing sound, although a gladiator joke from the classic Airplane film may cross your mind during some wrestling scenes. 

It’s the perfect place to drop the kids off for a couple hours while you enjoy a cup of coffee at Barnes & Noble and for that I’ll order an espresso and give this film one Wilder.

Our Overlooked Film of Significance for the Week: As far as sword and sandal epics go, I always liked The Long Ships, 1964, with Richard Widmark and Sydney Poitier. Although set in the Viking era, they search parts of the Classical world for a legendary golden bell that once belonged to Hercules… or was it Heracles?